(Illustrations by Jackson Gibbs)

Greetings, Maroons!

Ringing in the New Year in rhyme.

Taking a page from the New Yorker and its year-end tradition, we offer season’s greetings in light verse to all of you, our cherished readers. These lines may be silly, but our wishes for your good health and happiness in 2023 are sincere.

Hallo, Maroons! Let’s bid adieu,
With vim, to twenty twenty-two.
Turn month and day again to one;
Await the next weeks’ waxing sun.
But first attend a fond look ’round
At some who made last year profound.
Happy next one, President Paul,
And Nicole—Alivisatoses all.
For those preceding him, a word
Of gratitude and praise be heard:
From Rockefeller and Will Harper—
Their plans in focus ever sharper—
To present heights of rigor, thought,
And ever-rarer Scav grails sought.
The toast extends to every veep
And other very important peeps:
To dean of deans a joyful din—
John Boyer, plus his trusty Schwinn.

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With ardor not a trifle less,
Let’s cheer our colleagues who profess:
Cathy Cohen, Karin Krause,
William Howell, David Strauss,
Tiktaalik and its finder Shubin,
GI doctor David Rubin,
And all med campus denizens:
Nurses, PAs, techs, and residents;
Phlebotomists and neurosurgeons
Who treat the chronic and the urgent;
Doctors Fisher, Miller, Landon:
We hip-hip-hooray them with abandon!
For Ada Palmer, New Year hopes
To mock elect a bunch more popes,
And pen more novels! Ling Ma, hear?
Eve Ewing, feed poetic ears.
The muse be at all writers’ backs
To swell the well-lit Reg’s lit stacks.
Ring! Nobel bells for Heckman, Thaler,
Myerson—making econ haler—
Plus Diamond, Kremer, Hansen, Fama
(this sentence lately gained a comma).
At institutes—OI to EPIC,
Labs, museums, synergetic,
Countless centers and one collegium—
Let insights burst from every cranium.

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In spots all ’round this verdant sphere,
Alumni, heartfelt wishes hear.
To Philip Glass, “Paperboy” Reed,
Ana Marie Cox, and Bruce Freed.
Justine Nagan, Kimberly Peirce,
Gordon Quinn: keep indies fierce.
To class scribes Stein, McDermott, Egan,
The one and only Korean Vegan,
Comics maestra Jessica Abel:
Lift glasses and set festive tables.
Good health to you from head to toes,
Bonnie Jo Campbell, Haroula Rose.
GM Ng and commish Silver,
We will you seasons rife with thrillers—
May you relish all life’s Ws
Without a single L to trouble you.
College, university presidents rise—
Santa Ono, Thomas Krise—
Chris Eisgruber, Anne F. Harris—
May your academic groves be fairest.
A clarion call for joie de vivre
To Koenig, Sarah; Cicala, Steve;
Plus Sybil Hampton, Matthew Dean,
(Not that) Ken Burns, and Katie Skeen;
Tyehimba Jess, doc Karen Tang,
John Paul Rollert, Hilary Strang,
Leon Botstein, Brinton Ahlin,
Yuval Levin, Aliza Levine.

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Thanks, Fred Niell and Justin Kasper
For memories of a dorm reactor
That won’t soon dim, much less go poof,
And nor will David Auburn’s Proof
Hey! Tony Hopkins, Keanu Reeves!
A brief honorary nod to these
Not-quite Maroons flown in to be
Mere actors of our reality.
To true Maroons, the real McCoys,
That nod plus further heaped-on joys:
Carla Hayden, Matt Martell,
Danny Lyon, W. Kamau Bell.
Andrea Ghez, John Goodenough,
Make space and batteries the stuff
Of better knowledge, ever growing
’Til our minds are overflowing.
Dear Sens. Sanders and Klobuchar:
To auld lang syne, add au revoir,
For next year, each with our obsessions,
We’ll meet again with brand-new questions.
Crescat scientia, let knowledge grow;
Vita excolatur, there are miles to go.