An illustration of a UChicago knit hat behind a steaming cup of coffee
(Illustration by Annick Poirier)
Greetings, Maroons!

Ringing in the New Year in rhyme.

Again taking a page from the New Yorker and its year-end tradition, we offer season’s greetings in light verse to all of you, our cherished readers. These lines may be silly (they’re definitely silly), but our wishes for your good health and happiness in 2024 are sincere.

Themistocles, Thucydides,
The Peloponnesian—whoa, not these!
Behold fresh lines of air-light verse
To cheer the path to Jan the first.
Greetings! We’re back dispensing more
Rhymed merriment for ’24:
Happy year, Deans Miles and Hale,
Provost Baicker, Leila Sales,
Waldo E. Johnson, David Pickett,
Roopa Gandhi, Thomas Ricketts!
From 61st to 53rd,
May these ovations reach all nerds.
From Cottage Grove to Great Lake Mich,
Echo our sincerest wish
For contentment, peace, for secret sauce;
For latke and for hamantash,
To staff in Pick, Cobb, Levi Halls;
Bens Lorch and Howe, Rae Gray, Ray Ball, 
Joalda Morancy, Sarah Langs,
David Grubbs, and Dali Yang. 
Nobel props, Moungi Bawendi,
Whose quantum dots transcend the trendy. 
To Deans Nelson and Olinto,
Debra Hammond, Jesse Scinto,
Ellen Cassedy, Heather Booth,
Tony Grafton, Anthony Ruth:
May mugs of Kona or peaberry
Warm the endless _____uary.
To Dana Suskind and John List,
Thirty million words of bliss. 
To language whisperers near and global:
Salikoko Mufwene, Lenore Grenoble, 
Orin Hargraves, Erin McKean,
Ben Zimmer, linguist on the scene:
Our shouts to you surpass a whisper—
Same to those making CRISPR crisper, 
Editors of a different stripe
Who precision-tune the stuff of life:
To Marcus Kronforst, Phoebe Rice,
Weixin Tang et al., all things nice. 
Magnified cheers to nanofab
That forms small wonders in the lab; 
From depths of Eckhardt—low vibration—
Materials flout expectations
While bigger objects, up on high,
Preen for their close-ups in the sky. 
Thanks, Ken Sembach, for what Webb weaves 
And all resulting joie de vivre.
Earthly shutterbugs, too, give joy:
H. Horenstein and P. McCoy,
Whether SLR or point-and-shoot,
Your pictures speak of multitudes.
Laura Letinsky, Adam Nadel,
Lyon scions Rebecca and Gabrielle— 
All fams who bleed Maroon together,
Who flock as Phoenixes of a feather,
Glad be your tidings, long your runs:
Lester Munsons, dad and son;
Mattie Szydagis, brother Matt;
Sam, Miriam, and Leon Kass;
Dami and Tomi, Obaro twins;
First, second, 99th cousins.
Hey, Patti Gibbons, Torsten Reimer,
What did you think of Barbenheimer?
Barbie Army, salutes to you,
Black Limo, and the Farmers too.
Thomas Sowell, Harvey Choldin,
Nobel laureate Claudia Goldin—
Whom we’d been waiting to see tapped
For unriddling the gender gap— 
Susie Allen, Jeanie-not-Connie:
Blithest be you all and bonny. 
Andre Castro, Graeme Bell,
Sara Paretsky, Josh Scodel; 
Samira Ahmed, Sidney Nagel,
Socrates and Friedrich Hegel—
Or rather, those who parse their tomes
In classrooms, carrels, and at home
To meet assignments and directives
Of Philosophical Perspectives.
To Satya Nadella, Charlie Newell,
Marilu Henner, William Sewell,
Andy Kim, and Peggy Mason,
Pleasures in concatenation.
Rina Foygel Barber, amen—
Even though we stretch, as laymen,
To fathom what you do with stats—
Amen to your MacArthur grant
(Fellowship, more rightly named;
A genius’s laurel, just the same.)
And so farewell ’til our next meeting,
You citizens and human beings
In London, Paris, Beijing, Hong Kong,
Delhi, Chicago, and precincts beyond.
The season turns and so it goes:
Life more enriched as knowledge grows.